Andisheh alerted us earlier today that famed inventor of the printing press, Johannes Gutenberg, had been spotted amongst the crowd at the Decatur Book Festival.  Upon hearing, DM immediately sent out our entire “dead inventors” staff in the Dead Inventor Staff Van to gather eyewitness accounts.

“After getting over my initial shock that a man dead for hundreds of years was standing before me with a plastic beer cup in his hand, I asked him if he would sign my Kindle.”, said a gentleman with an impressive shiner forming below his left eye.  “Obviously he didn’t see the irony in the request.”

No one we came across could explain how the dead inventor happened upon the event, having been deceased over 550 years and long buried in Germany. By all accounts, Gutenberg seemed a man strangely comfortable in his environment, speaking English and eating festival food.  Yet he also was visibly irritated according to many accounts.

“He asked me where the King of Pops cart was and whether I knew if there were any Raspberry Lime bars left.  I pointed him in the direction of the MARTA plaza and asked my friend if I had really just given directions to the man who first proved that the earth revolved around the sun.  I felt sort of silly when she corrected me.  I’m always getting my 16th century Germans mixed up!”

Numerous festival-goers reported that their initial excitement at seeing a member of ZZ Top quickly turned to dismay and outright fear as the printing-press inventor obviously had an ax to grind.

“What the heck is this thing?  Bookzilla?!” he reportedly shouted, while pointing his popsicle at the giant monster on Decatur Square.  “I created movable type and you people worship this giant lizard?!”

“He acted like one of those bad car-commercial caricatures of the famous American presidents that always air around President’s Day.  You know those?  He was loud, overly dramatic, and talked with a slight British accent just like those guys.” said a woman covered in erasable marker who claimed she had been standing at the DBF crossword puzzle for 45 minutes when Gutenberg passed in front of her, smearing all her hard work beyond recognition.

“I hate that guy.  I had just come up with the 4-letter word for strip malls when he sauntered by.  You know, people these days talk with reverence about “the printed word”, but that guy makes me yearn for the era of scribes!”

Luckily, Miss Marker On Her Face was one of the last people reportedly terrorized by the dead German.  It is reported that after wandering into Decatur’s Little Shop of Stories book store looking for “Derrick Wong”, Gutenberg was overwhelmed by the vast display of books and fainted in a heap on top of a Skippyjon Jones display.

Mr. Gutenberg has been charged with aggravated assault and is spending the night in a cell at the Decatur Police Department.

Ay Caramba!