It’s Literally Wednesday
Dave | March 14, 2012From Dave at Little Shop of Stories, this is the first in a weekly post on literary matters, some serious and some, e.g. today, less so.
It’s Poetry Time
April is National Poetry Month. That’s the time for college educated snobs to break out their sonnets and free verse and haiku and what have you. But for a few days every year — right around St. Patrick’s Day — limericks take center stage.
There are a few rules that have evolved, but even these aren’t set in stone. Five lines: the first, second, and fifth rhyme with about 7-12 syllables each, while the third and fourth rhyme and have about 5-7 syllables. Rhythm is everything. So is fun.
Submit your original limerick. Keep them local. Keep them clean.
Here’s two:
There once was a man from Decatur
Who blogged that no city was greater
“The schools are superb
“Better beer has no burg
“I can walk to both early and later”
DM once gave me permission
That put him in an awkward position
I wrote two limericks
With my very best schtick
Now he moderates all my submissions
Latest from Decaturish
Playing off internet memes
Or commenters letting of steam
Put DM in a funk ’til
a new thought he thunk
Adorn each new day with a theme.
Walmart, she wants into Decatur
Well, the people say they hate her
But Selig said yea
The Board said you may
Now we sit in traffic on N. Decatur
The community says, “We must cherish
The things that are us, or we’ll perish!”
Though we cannot agree
On just what makes us ‘we,’
It’s variety that spices the best dish.
nice!!
I bought a small hen up in Tucker.
“I’ll roast her, as soon as I pluck her.”
She started to beg,
Then laid me an egg!
I kept her. (Now who’s the sucker?)
wonderful!
Super cute, and not at all the finish I expected when I saw Tucker in the first line.
Thank you, Rebeccab, so glad someone spotted that.
Ode to DM
A most wonderful spot on the net,
Where daily our opinions we vet;
When not flaming blogs
Over children and dogs,
We’re the nicest bunch you’ve never met.
LOVE this idea! And great poems everybody.
Too seriously so many of us take
Our opinions, our thoughts, for God’s sake
I simply say when
Your skin’s feeling thin
Grab a beer, pet your dog, take a break
I am not amused and I curse Dave for suggesting this. I just wasted two hours trying to come up with a limerick that would not get me permanently banned or, worse, sued. Obviously, I was unsuccessful. Dadgummit!
No worries…if it’s too over the top or offensive, you’ll be moderated. Don’t ask me how I know.
oh j_t…really thought you were going to hit it out of the park on this one…perhaps a cocktail would grease the creative wheels?
Well of course a cocktail would grease the wheels. It would also guaran-damn-tee that I get censored and possibly banished! But given Keith’s reassurance, I think I’ll try that route…after I see that “judge” this afternoon…
If you need any ideas, I have heard rumors about a man from Nantucket.
Excuse me, I think I already paid homage to that rhyme!
It appears i owe an apology
for a sin clear for all to see
you certainly said pluck
the original said ____
so a definite mea culpa from me
OMG, that was perfect, or so she said.
It’s the best post by far, that tonight I’ve read.
I rhymed “pluck” and “Tuck,”
You could have used “cluck.”
But enough, it is late, got to go to bed.
There once were three men from Oakhurst
Good men who had built up big thirsts
To Steinbeck’s they went
U-Joint next they were sent
And that night, these good men became worse
There once were two girls from Decatur
Who found they could openly date here
Holding hands while they walked
No heads turned, no one talked
Couldn’t tell between gayer and straighter
Meh. You shoulda worked “Subaru” in there
I’m trying to do one that proves you can rhyme with orange. How about if you work on purple?
I’m about thirty minutes away from my first Jager. So give me an hour and I should have some good ones!
OK, one shot at it before the liquor takes hold:
Mine is the best bar in Decatur;
It beats all the breeder incubators;
At the Brick Store they wear purple;
And Twain’s is full of Urkels;
So come down to Trackside for your Jagers!
Sweet. Can’t wait to see what Mr. Meister adds to the party.
How about this…
There once was a man at an Oakhurst Bar
Whose service was hailed as the best, by far
He’ll serve you if you’re purple
As long as you pay your bill
And promise if you’re over-served you’ll leave your car
At the Brick Store is a girl who turned orange
She is loose like a door off its door hinge
Though she looks like a carrot
She will easily share it
With those blinded by drink from one more binge
DM, please let this still be here when I return later…
These are all great, and fun.
“Leave us be! Let us free!” they all bark.
Some have even resorted to snark.
“Could we manage a scoop,
We’d clean our own poop.
Just leave us alone in our park.”
There once was a park near Adair
whose fence caused tree branches to ensnare
a committee formed to fix
those dastardly sticks
now dogs have not one but a pair.
He once posted as Token Republican
He was really a voice in a lonely land
Though he lives where it’s blue
He still muddled through
Trying to educate those with their heads in sand
I know I’m not the only one
Who’s a Decatur Republican
Despite our difference
I can only inference
I’m in this town for the long run
I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist! I’ve been eagerly awaiting your appearance since the post went up! Welcome back!!!
HAAAAAAAPPPPPPPYYYYYY!!! DAAAAAAANNNNCCCEEE!!!
Oh, Token, is it really you? We’ve missed you mightily!
Niiiiice! You know, I still owe you a beer!
BIG hugs, Token– I’ma do a little limerick in your honor! (See below…)
Maybe my eyes deceive me
As there is no limerick to see
Possibly it was crude
Or maybe even lewd
And DM moderated thee
I did. But let’s please treat it like fight club.
That’s it. I’m threatening to sue, like the trial lawyer I am, unless you give Token my email address to send me the moderated limerick!
Aw, man– moderated! Some of my finest work, too, if I do say so meself… ;-P
On the other hand, I feel like I’ve passed my DM initiation now– I got spanked for being naughty!!! Hee-hee!
I poked the same bear and am glad I was moderated.
There is no fight club.
The mayors said again, “Let us annex,”
Making some people reach for their Xanax.
“You are wrong, I am right!”
Echoed into the night
As we argued and fussed about tax facts.
far and wide are our festivals lauded
books, beach, beer, and fireworks make it crowded.
and down through the years
the key is volunteers.
It is Lee Ann who must be applauded!
All good but this is excellent! Has anyone sent to Lee Ann?
I can’t seem to get in the mood for a Decatur Limerick, so I’m offering this Five Points haiku although I’m not sure it really is a haiku.
small twittering birds
peck at chicken bones, weave hair —
walking shoes at lunch
Next week’s challenge: Sonnets. Don’t all speak up at once.
Really, Dave, this was fun. Thanks.
In Decatur we have lots ‘o problems;
And even more thoughts on how to solve ‘em;
From dog parks divided;
To school boards daily chided;
Where, oh where, is Jimmy Carter when we need him?
There once was a town with a liberal bent
Occupiers were heroes when they pitched their tents
Rich should pay their fair share
Evil business beware
And all problems are solved with one cent
returning pets is but one of our feats
as we navigate anonymous bleats
many fests, our elation
interrupt transportation
and our trolls have more eyes on the streets
Somebody please write one about Ridgelandistan so he’ll come back too…
Ridge is out biking somewhere in this gorgeous weather…he ain’t got time for us! (Heck, if I could be outside right now, I wouldn’t have time for us, either!)
Roses are bloomin’
along with pine trees
causing all humans
to let out a sneeze