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    Kessler Returned to the Table

    Decatur Metro | April 17, 2009 | 8:52 am

    In a stunning reversal from earlier this week, the AJC announced yesterday that former food writer John Kessler has been allowed to return to the dinner table.

    The startling about-face by the Atlanta daily from its earlier hardline that Kessler would no longer be allowed to consume any food henceforth, apparently had something to do with top brass at the paper not knowing the full details of Kessler’s new “assignment.”

    The break down in communication came to a head on Thursday morning, when an unnamed AJC exec came upon Kessler in a hallway at the paper’s Marietta St. headquarters, already ghostly thin and scribbling on a napkin about the “subtle undertones” of a half eaten Lenders bagel that he had apparently pilfered from someone’s desk.

    “I hadn’t heard of John’s newest assignment”, said the exec who’s name I’ve conveniently forgotten, “and when I saw him writing that stale bagel review from a fetal position my heart just melted.  I marched straight to the newsroom and demanded some answers.  When all I encountered was finger-pointing and something about a new “reality” column under that adorable weather report, I put the kibosh on it.”

    With the surprising change of fortune, Kessler is back on the food-beat.  There are already reports this morning that he’s shaved the body-length beard he had grown and was again fitting snugly into his favorite polo shirts.

    Asked if his experiences over the past week would influence his future writing, John replied, “I realized that I never really appreciated the fine art of cold, stale foods.  I think its uncharted territory.  Its a medium I hope to fully explore in the weeks ahead.  I already have a brain-full of ideas for articles on things like Chef Boyardee straight from the can, the complex aging process of a Hot Pocket, and the chocolicious flavors imparted to a piece of Hostess Cupcake chipboard.”

    —————————-

    The real story of the AJC’s reversal can be found here.

    Thanks to Andisheh and Carl for pointing out John’s Facebook update.

    Categories
    Food and Drink, Hilarity, journalism
    Tags
    AJC, AJC food writer, John Kessler, made-up stories about John Kessler

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    No Responses to “Kessler Returned to the Table”

    1. SAACJack says:
      April 17, 2009 at 11:48 am

      So could we say this entire story is…er…”filler”?

    2. Carl says:
      April 18, 2009 at 7:38 pm

      Actually I pointed out Bill Addison’s blog posting on the subject.

    3. Decatur Metro says:
      April 17, 2009 at 6:30 pm

      Yes! If you can stomach saying such a thing!

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