“No Water? No Problem.”, Says Sarcastic Blogger
Decatur Metro | July 18, 2009If you picked your AJC up off the driveway or plunged neck-deep into the depths of AJC.com this morning, you’ll have already read about Georgia’s crushing defeat in the alliterative “Water Wars”.
For those just waking up, U.S. District judge Paul Magnuson ruled yesterday that the Army Corps. of Engineers has been illegally supplying water to the city of Atlanta for decades, and gave all parties involved three years to work out a solution in Congress. If the three states (GA, AL, and FL) can’t come to a solution, the judge’s order reinforces the original plan for Lake Lanier created 50 years ago, which says only the city’s of Gainesville and Buford will be allowed to draw from the reservoir.
Georgia lawmakers echoed the statements of the state’s youngest senator, Saxby Chambliss, who called the ruling “draconian”, always annoyed when the limits of the natural environment get in the way of unending growth and profit.
But one Georgia blogger from the city of Decatur, in a moment of unprecedented clarity, scoffed off the judge’s ruling and proposed a much easier solution, which bypassed the time-wasting practice of “negotiation.”
“Listen, no one ever expected the name “Atlanta” to last forever. I mean, who wants a name that was picked purely for the reason that it was less ridiculous than “Marthasville?” If Atlanta wants to continue ignoring the needs of neighboring states in the name of self-preservation, there’s one simple solution: the cities of Buford and Gainesville must annex the entire metropolitan area. That’ll show those other states who’s boss. Gainesville/Buford would become the Minneapolis/St. Paul of the south, while those other states could dehydrate into oblivion.”
No legislators have yet commented on the suggestion, obviously stunned silent by the genius of the idea.
Brawndo has got what plants crave. We should just water our plants with Brawndo!
Rusty, I’d believe you, but you think Brawndo is the solution for everything! World hunger, the federal deficit, global warming…
It’s got electroytes.
Can’t we just make Buford trade names with Atlanta?
We could but I was looking forward to putting Atlanta City Hall in the old Bombay location at the Mall of Georgia.
“…. less ridiculous than “Marthasville?” …. one simple solution: the cities of Buford and Gainesville must annex the entire metropolitan area. That’ll show those other states who’s boss.”
I bow humbly at the feet of the genius who blessed us with this clarity and brilliant sarcasm. We’re not worthy. We’re not worthy.