Kudzu Takes Over Atlanta

Apparently the popular History Channel series “Life After People” featured Atlanta, along with Chicago and London, last night.   And I for one am pissed that I didn’t get to watch the slow deterioration of my hometown!  Where were you “informed” blogosphere and ATL know-it-alls!?

I guess I’ll have to make do with watching clips on the show’s website.

From what I can tell, it looks like Chicago got a majority of the focus in last night’s episode as the Chicago River flooded downtown, Wrigley Field was blanketed in ivy and the cities two tallest buildings (Sears & Hancock) crumbled to the ground.  Here in Atlanta, the illustrated results of a human-free environment were limited to kudzu-run-amok and the quick proliferation of feral pigs.  (If that isn’t a reflection of stereotypes about the South, I don’t know what is!)

But after watching simulations of that quick-growing vine taking over our city streets and transit lines, I’ve been inspired to preemptive action.  I am calling for the immediate importation of thousands of feral goats to the city.  I want to see kudzu-eating goats everywhere!  Not just at Decatur cemetery, but on our streets and in our neighborhoods, eating everything in sight!  And once they’ve dealt with the kudzu, we’ll use our army of goats to combat those crafty feral pigs!  Goats v. Pigs! Goats v. Pigs!

My political future is bright.  Oh yes.

h/t: 13th Floor