5 Year Old Found Dead in Oakhurst
Decatur Metro | July 12, 2010 | 4:10 pmUPDATE: Here’s Decatur PD’s press release…
*On Monday July 12, 2010 at approximately 1:00 pm the Decatur Police Department was notified of a possible deceased child at 750 East Lake Drive. Responding officers located the body of a white male juvenile lying on a bed in an upstairs bedroom at that location. The child appeared to be deceased. The residence was also occupied by the child’s father and a juvenile sibling. The child’s father, Gary DeToma, Sr. was taken into custody at the scene and a warrant has been issued charging him with murder.
The police department was notified of the incident by a co-worker of the child’s father, who had gone to the residence to check on the welfare of the father. Officers had responded to the location earlier in the day, in response to a complaint that the children had not been returned from a weekend visit with their father. At that time, no one responded to the officer’s attempts to make contact. The residence was secure and the officers observed nothing suspicious. At this time further investigation of the incident is being conducted by the Decatur Police Department with assistance from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation.
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I’m posting from a Blackberry but Brian just wrote in and pointed to this tragic story on 11alive. Here’s the link and text. I’ve got a email into Asst. Chief Lee. I’ll clean up the post later.
DECATUR, Ga. — Police are investigating the death of a five-year-old boy, found Monday afternoon in a Decatur home on Eastlake Drive.
Decatur Police and the Georgia Bureau of Investigation went to the scene after a co-worker of the boy’s father called 911. Officials say they are in the process of questioning the father.
Deputy Chief Keith Lee described the circumstances surrounding the boy’s death as suspicious
and “appears to be a homicide”.
This would be the first homicide in the City in 2 1/2 years.
Oh gosh, I just drove up East Lake and wondered what all the crime scene tape was for. So sad..
This is heartbreaking. I just had to hug my baby a little tighter.
Nelliebelle: I am sad too. Love, Arwen
Oh, please don’t let it be true. Please don’t let his father have been the one to kill him. Please, please, please. That poor little one– my heart is broken.
oh my god. So horrifying. We just drove by there coming home from picking up my three year old at preschool. I thought it was a drug bust or something. This is so truly awful, I can’t even imagine.
Here’s the AJC’s story, with little new info except it gives the child’s name.
http://myboysworld.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-05%3A00&updated-max=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-05%3A00&max-results=1
Oh, oh, god– this is sadder and sadder. They seem like such a lovely, ordinary little family, who loved each other. They moved into an apartment so their boys could go to good schools! They were trying so hard to have something better. The blog hasn’t been updated for a while, so who knows what changed since last April…either way, that beautiful little boy…it’s too sad. I’m blubbing like a fool right now, and I don’t even know these people.
Ugh. This is heartbreatking…
We, as a community, should hold a candlelight vigil. Soon. We don’t know the mother, but have met her once and believe she is in Oakhurst as well. Perhaps Harmony Park one night this week?
Thoughts? Any input is appreciated…
DM, would you put a notice up if there is interest and if this is the appropriate thing to do?
A horrible loss of life.
I think it would be completely appropriate for our community to help out. We have so many great residents and leaders I am sure we will be able to show our support..A vigil, prayers and if necessary financial help as it may be needed to properly put this little boy to rest.
God help them.
They both live in Oakhurst or close by, separately but near each other and either divorced or on their way towards it. Gary was an absolute sweetheart — was in my boy’s class this past year…if you’re a member of McKoy pool, you probably saw him on the weekends.
I am in support of vigil for Gary and family…
This is unbelievable. Just so horribly sad for everyone involved. I’m with you, Cuba– I took one look at the pictures of that little boy and just could not hold back the sobs.
Did they belong to a church that should be notified to provide some support? A pastor or priest might be a good resource for organizing a vigil.
This is horrifying. The younger brother was in my son’s class this year.
If the children were in CSD schools like College Heights or another local preK or preschool, hopefully the school(s) can get involved with a) helping the family, and b) helping any young classmates and their families, deal with the tragedy. It takes expertise to know how to help family, friends, and contacts when such young children are involved.
I just read the dad confessed to the murder and also to attempting to murder the 4 year-old. He did not want the mother to have custody of the children. If this is true, what a horrible selfish act. He obviously has issues of power and control: “If I can’t have them, then no one will.” This disgusts me.
I was just thinking that if the co-worker had not shown up at the apartment, the 4-year old likely would have been next. I don’t know where the mom is currently living, but we need to help her out in any way we can.
Yes, this is an example of how important it is to put oneself out a bit for others, even though it’s easier in our busy lives to think “it’s none of my business” or “it’s not my problem”. That co-worker’s extra effort to see if his colleague was ok uncovered this deadly situation. It’s hard to know how to reach out when you think a friend or colleague is having serious problems but it’s better to reach out imperfectyl than to not reach out at all.
Domestic disputes, separations, and divorces are VERY DANGEROUS to everyone involved. My nephew is a sheriff’s deputy, and he says he dreads these kinds of situations more than any other he encounters. If you have never been through a separation/divorce, especially with children involved, you have no idea how scary this kind of thing really is. Been through it myself, so I always have a visceral reaction to this kind of story. SO.VERY.SAD.
Agreed on all accounts — we’re only as strong as the cumulative group, and we’re fortunate to have a strong community here indeed. And Gary went to College Heights, so hopefully his teacher (Mrs. Paden) and the school administration has been made aware of this horribly sad situation.
The school knows
jbgotcha,
I had not heard that the dad made a confession. Would you mind sharing the source of your information? Thanks,
KMD
I think it’s unfortunate that the police are saying there were “no legal grounds” to enter the home when they were there hours before. In my mind, if the kids didn’t return from visitation with their father, I’d say there were plenty of legal grounds to enter the home. I don’t understand this. I would already be at my wit’s end if my kids had not returned. If police had entered the home earlier, this tragedy might have been avoided. I hope we get more information on this.
How long between the first visit and the time the co-worker entered and found the boy?
Here is the link to the story regarding the confession: http://www.google.com/m/url?client=safari&ei=F3Q8TNjNItv_tge_pYO5Aw&hl=en&oe=UTF-8&q=http://www.cbsatlanta.com/news/24227593/detail.html&resnum=1&ved=0CA4QFjAA&usg=AFQjCNEDyxZTOdk6X9Y54l1P-hHE0qH_oQ
TO CSD MOM: Read the law regarding illegal entry……don’t blame the police for this.
Yes, understand. And maybe the father and kids weren’t even there then. Maybe they were at the park or pool or store. But one wonders if the co-worker could knock and knock and knock and coax the four year old to the door, could the police also have done that? But the co-worker might have had more insight into Gary DeToma, having worked with him. He may have had reasons for persisting. You can’t second guess actions in a case like this. Maybe prolonged knocking at the door would have caused more violence, not less. But one can wish. Thank goodness a firearm wasn’t involved—there might have been even more carnage.
Innocent life taken away and the same attempted on the 4-year-old. How can this “father” be so damned selfish? I would rather he took the children home when agreed and then kill his stupid self. They’ll never allow me on his jury, that’s for sure!
A fund has been set up to help the family with expenses. Here is the information:
Decatur First Bank
Gary DeToma Jr Fund
The bank is accepting cash and/or checks-checks should be made out to
the Gary DeToma Jr. Fund.
Donations can be made at the bank or mailed–The mailing address is
1120 Commerce Dr. Decatur, Ga. 30030 or 720 Commerce Dr. Decatur,
Ga. 30030
Do have any details about this fund? To whom will the money go? For what purpose?
I am the uncle, Melanie’s brother. Gary did this to those boys because he is a weak, selfish sack of chicken sh*t. I have no idea how my smart, sweet sister will continue except that she has to because of Will. She needs all of the support our family and community can muster. It took her forever to find a job in this economy, and the one she did find pays on $12/hour. That was only six weeks ago.
If there is to be a vigil, please include the family. It’s [email protected] . Thank you all so much. We cannot even wrap our heads around this yet. It is unimaginable.
I posted, and am posting all, on my Facebook, and hope everyone does, as well. This is what social networking is for. Let’s use, wisely.
Thanks, Rick
I’ve sent you an email.
Rick, words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your sister, your nephew, you, and your whole family. I can’t even pretend to imagine what you’re all going through right now, because this is just more than anyone should be able to bear, but please let your sister know that many, many people care about her, and are praying for you all.
Oh, she knows, and thank you very, very much. Yes, no words can express. We switch from normal day-to-day activities and conversation to crying and wailing. It just does not seem possible. My (our) hearts are broken. That sweet, beautiful, intelligent child had his life stolen from him, and it was a good life. Justice can never be served for nothing can give him his life back.
Thank you for writing in Rick. As cuba said, few of us can even begin to imagine what your family must be going through. I just hope that many of the comments here have provided a brief moment of warmth in what must be a surreal day-to-day at this point.
Keep in touch and please let us know what else we, as a community, can do.
Thanks, Rick, for putting the truth out there. You know how I feel, as the entire community does. I hope the candlelight vigil happens, and the going away you and your’s envision proceeds with peace. The community, the school, and all support cannot suffice, nor heal, but surely are of some comfort. Take care, my friend.
To the Decatur community, I want to thank you all for your kind words and prayers during this unspeakable, horrific time for our family. My son, Gary, was a bright, shining light in our lives. He was smart and creative and funny, oh my goodness, he was funny. He had the sweetest little southern accent you ever heard, and he adored his little brother, Will, whom he called Bubba. He just learned to ride his bike without training wheels, and he rode like a fiend.
When Gary was only 3 years old he managed to get his hands on a phillips head screwdriver, and the next thing we knew he had removed most of the striker plates from the door frames in the house. He happily pulled the plates and screws from his pocket and reinstalled them when asked. Smart! He loved, loved, loved tools of all kinds. Just last week he told me in the car that when he’s a big daddy he’s going to be a “tool man”. I asked what that meant, and he said people would bring him their cars to be fixed. I didn’t tell him that my aspirations were more along the lines of fixing cancer or solving the national debt problem. He was just so full of ideas all the time.
His father, for whatever reason, chose to end Gary’s life on Monday. I feel like the light in my soul has been snuffed out. I look at Will and remind myself that I have to forge ahead through this grief somehow, but I don’t know how. I’m trying to get through the days. We all are.
Thank you all for your concern and prayers and food. We will need them even more in the days and weeks to come as we try to shake off this cloak of grief and resume our lives in a new and unwelcome way. We are not discussing the particulars of Gary’s upcoming memorial service, as we are trying to fly under the radar of the media circus surrounding this case. If you happen to have knowledge of the service as to the date and time, please don’t post it on the internet. Remember, there is a criminal trial underway–a murder trial of a stunningly beautiful 5-year-old boy–and none of us wants to give Gary DeToma even a modicum of help with his defense.
As to the candlelight vigil, I will not attend, but I will not object to a show of community support. It’s so nice to live in a price like Decatur where a person can belong and enjoy ife.
We are writing from the Georgia Coalition Against Domestic Violence, located right here in Decatur, and we are truly sorry for your loss. The Decatur community should be commended for its horror and outrage, and for coming together as a community in this way.
Unfortuntately, with 1 in 4 women experiencing domestic violence, and children often being caught in the middle of custody disputes, homicides like this are all too common. Between 2003 and 2008 Georgia experienced over 700 domestic violence related deaths. This current year has been particularly bad, and we are on track for seeing domestic violence homicides soar well beyond our highest rates in recent history (137 in 2003).
There is support out there for survivors of homicide. Go to these websites for further information:
http://www.cvaconline.org/
http://www.katesclub.org/
http://www.familiesfirst.org/T19-home-page
If you know someone who is experiencing domestic violence, there is resource information out there for family and friends as well. Books – To Be an Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Family and Friends of Abused Women by Susan Brewster or Family and Friends Guide to Domestic Violence by Elaine Weiss.
Decatur domestic violence service programs:
http://www.internationalwomenshouse.org/
http://www.wrcdv.org/
Domestic violence is a public health epidemic that can be stopped. For more information on how you can get involved and be part of the solution, contact us at http://www.gcadv.org or call 404-209-0280.
If there is anything we can do to help the community with a vigil or any other needs, please let us know.